Connection Before Correction

"Connection before Correction" is a Tuning in to Kids phrase.

Parents can save a lot of time and energy if they first emotionally connect w/their children before they correct behaviours. Not every behaviour is OK, but every emotion is. Responding to the emotion first makes a child feel heard and seen.

Imagine if your boss came into work and told you "Effective today, we are no longer offering coffee/tea for employees. Times are tough, inflation is high, we all have to make sacrifices, etc." I don't know about you, I'd be feeling cheated, frustrated and more discouraged, especially if I'm not feeling valued in my workplace. My feelings would then revert to my thoughts "this place sucks, I need a new job, they don't care, my kids better appreciate what I put up with all day long and have their chores done." My behaviour can then go many ways when I get home, but probably not very pretty - "Don't you talk to me like that kid! I worked my butt off all day long and now you are giving me attitude?!? Go to your room and have a think about how little you value me!"

Now here is an adult emotion coach response w/the same situation:

"Hey Nat, I have some frustrating news. Unfortunately we won't be able to provide coffee like we normally have. I know you love your coffee and you also didn't get a raise because of budget cuts, so I would understand if you felt cheated or not valued. I do care and value your work here, and I would love to hear if you have any solutions about this problem. I'm all ears."

Now imagine how your child or teen might feel when you have to make changes like establishing new technology terms. Acknowledging and validating your child's emotions to the new terms is essential.

At Back to Basics Counselling & Consulting, we offer emotion coach parenting packages in Burleigh Heads, QLD or online. Please message us for more details. Website will soon be launched.

Natalie (founder and principal counsellor